James Smith, 1858
"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God! My soul thirsts for God, for the living God! When can I go and meet with God?" Psalm 42:1-2
I have just been reading of the last days of a believer in Jesus, a kind of reading of which I am very fond. For while I admire the holy and useful lives of Christians, and look upon them as the best and most certain evidences of true faith; yet I love to listen to their dying testimony, and mark how they acted in the swellings of Jordan. I know what it is to live — but I do not know what it is todie, and therefore as I must die, and I know not how soon, or how suddenly — I love to accompany others to the last conflict, and observe now they endure and overcome.
Death-beds differ, even the death-beds of true believers. Some are filled with joy, others are only hopeful. Some glide away smoothly and softly — while others have much hard fighting at the last. Some have no doubts or fears — while others are very much tried with them. Some shout victory — others can only say, "I have a good hope." Some speak much to those about them — others say but very little. This was the case with the good man I was reading of, his whole dying experience was comprehended in one sentence, "I am sighing for Jesus!"
He did not sigh for life, nor for ease — but he was sighing for Jesus. I cannot help observing, how much of my experience now, is expressed in those words, "I am sighing for Jesus." Yes, yes, I can do without riches, or fame, or the honor which man confers. I am pretty well content with whatprovidence sends me — and yet I often sigh, and sigh deeply too. Some would think me unhappy — but I am not. Some may conclude I am discontented with my situation in life — but I am not. Yet I sigh — I often sigh.
I have read of a bird, which if caught and caged, never ceases to sigh, until it obtains its liberty, or dies. I am somewhat like that bird, and I expect I shall continue to sigh — until I obtain my desire. I have had a glimpse of Jesus — and I sigh for a full view of him. I have tasted the sweetness of communion with him — and I sigh for uninterrupted fellowship. I have felt a little of the cleansing influence of his precious blood, and Holy Spirit — and I sigh for a thorough cleansing, that I may be perfectly and forever holy. I sigh to be exactly like Jesus! I sigh to be forever with Jesus! I believe that if I were just like him, and always with him — that I would sigh no more. But I think nothing else will put a complete stop to my sighing.
Perhaps someone is ready to say, "Oh, I have often heard you religious people go sighing about — and I felt sure that you were miserable, notwithstanding all your pretensions."
Stop, not too fast, friend — you have heard us sigh — but we are not miserable. No, no, we have more of real happiness while sighing — than you have while singing. We have been just what you are, and where you are — and know therefore what you enjoy, and we would not exchange our saddest hours, for your most joyous ones! We do sigh — but we sing also; and our sighing very frequently is but like tuning the instrument, in order to the production of sweet and thrilling music. Our sighs always introduce songs now; and our sighs on the bed of death — will end in the glorious songs of Paradise.
We only sigh for what God has promised us. Our sighing is produced by the sweet and ravishing tastes we have had of the love and grace of Jesus. We do not sigh for sinful pleasure, or forbidden objects; no, we sigh for Jesus; that we may know him more perfectly, love him more entirely, andenjoy him uninterruptedly! And this we shall do by and by; the day is coming, and it may be very near, when the days of our mourning shall be ended, and when we shall heave the last sigh, and begin the never-ending song. "The ransomed of the Lord will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away!" Isaiah 51:11
